The people that make this game difficult need to find another pastime. Like watering their flowers at home, or going to a movie, or maybe even going to another country. But please, quit making it difficult for the rest of us. Who are these people I'm referring to? See below, and share in my scorn of their behavior:

Announcement Talkers- Okay, look…when announcements are being made before the start of a tournament (ANY tournament….PDGA, tags, monthlies, etc.), the only person who should be talking is the one making the announcements or calling the cards. Simple. Sometimes that person is telling you about out-of-bounds areas, or maybe about the water hazards, or maybe about the vicious alligator who lives in the creek. Whatever. SHUT-UP if you're not the one making the announcements. (It's easy to spot these people because they're the ones who spend 5 minutes after all of the cards have been called trying to figure out which tee they're on because they WEREN'T LISTENING!) Do we need to start bringing a conch shell to these events???

Late Arrivals-My experience in disc golf is that all tournaments that are scheduled have a registration time and then a start time. For those who are uninitiated, registration time is when you show up to register and the start time is when the TD will call "START" to begin the tournament. Showing up late to register may be dramatic for you, but it's not for those who showed up on time out of respect for the tournament, the TD, and the other golfers. Yes, there's traffic to deal with, bad traffic lights, etc. The excuses can (and do) go on and on. Next time? Leave 20 minutes earlier…or stay home.

Course Trashers-Take your damn bottles, cans, and other trash to the trashcans. It's easy. For the most part, golfers inhabit the bodies of adult humans…now if we can just get them thinking logically and sensibly like humans do, we'll be all set. Leaving your trash scattered around for others to pick is quite…..well……asinine. (Can I say asinine without it being edited??) And stop tearing down tree limbs, shrubs and branches. They are NOT in your way….you are in theirs.

Cheaters-We know who you are. Grow up, follow the rules, and play fair.

We know that this list could go on and on. If you fall into one of the above listed categories, not only do you have your game to work on, you also have your etiquette and dignity.

Now, if we could just get those jerks who make you hold stuff up to a mirror to read their articles to smarten up and do things properly, the disc golf world would be a much better place.

Wahhhhhhhh! I lost my disc! Okay, okay. You lost your disc. But, if you remember, you lost it SIX HOLES AGO! We don't want to hear about it anymore. In theory, you should be good enough to move on and find another disc to take its place. If you don't have one in your bag during a round to do this, then use your ingenuity to re-manage your game. But please, quit whining. You're bringing the rest of us down.

Wahhhhhhhh! I just took a triple bogey! Hmmmmm, sucks to be you. Speaking of which, it feels like I AM you, because you haven't stopped talking about it since the damn thing happened. You've apparently forgotten about the 2 birdies and 4 pars you've taken since then because all the rest of the group is hearing is about how much better your score would be if you hadn't taken that 6. All we're thinking about is how much better our game would be if you had been in another group. There's always doubles!

Wahhhhhhhh! Topher took my lighter! If you don't know by know, then you deserve to have your lighter "permanently borrowed" (not stolen) by Topher. Hey, it's what he does. Be more careful next time.

Wahhhhhhhh! My disc just went OB! Well, mine didn't, so enjoy your walk to find your disc as I enjoy my walk, which for the first time today, will be far enough away from your whining so as not to have to listen to it. I feel my round improving already.

Wahhhhhhhh! I lost my golf bag! Where'd you last leave it? At the course? Was it left in my care? No? Well then, do something about replacing it. Or don't. If you don't have discs, I'd be happy to loan you some of mine (no promise that they'll work for you, though) until you've had a chance to replace your lost discs. We are all understanding golfers, and can give your some of our plastic while you get a chance to replace yours. If you don't mind playing with O.P.P. (Other People's Plastic), then I say more power to yah! But, quit blabbering about the lost ones…they're obviously not going to be any help.

Wahhhhhhhh! Joe's making fun of me! Maybe…but deep down I really love you all….from the heart of my bottom, I really mean it. Really.

Wahhhhhhhh! I lost my soup bowl! Ahhhh…maybe I can help you there. I have a couple of soup bowls, especially in the cold weather because I'm always bringing soup to the course during the winter months. Yummy! Let's share some soup. Of course, if I provide the soup bowl, you'll be expected to provide the soup.

Wahhhhhhhh! The other people in my group keep calling me for foot faults because I keep stepping over the line when I drive or falling forward when I putt!! Are you looking for sympathy? You can find it between sh*t and syphillis in the dictionary. If you don't know the rules, and don't bother to learn the rules, then you'll be called for foot faulting every time. And, everyone who sees it, should call it. Rule books can be obtained by contacting the PDGA. Otherwise, you're cheating, and don't get me started on that.

Wahhhhhhhh! I've been golfing for 'x' amount of years, and I still can't drive, approach or putt! Jeez…I guess all that PRACTICING you've been doing just hasn't paid off, eh?
Maybe you should PRACTICE more. Or, maybe you should be the one sending in questions to JGB asking how to improve your game. Just a thought.

What have learned by all of this? (If Bingo were here, he could figure it out….) We have learned that whining can grow very tiresome. Sort of like my big mouth. But I take comfort in knowing that despite my best intentions to get people to quit crying and whining (and just enjoy the GAME), they won't. Which is only fair, I guess, since I don't plan on shutting up any time soon, either. But I will give you this promise: I will cut down, if not quit, my whining during my less than stellar performances during a round. For now, however, I have to go…it's time for a bottle and my nappy.

See yah at the course!

We've seen a huge increase in the amount of PDGA-sponsored events in the last several years. With so many events to choose from, golfers are being much more selective in the events that they attend. They want to go to the most affordable event that will offer the best chance for PDGA points. Of course we know that ultimately, the points really don't matter, since in the last couple of years most of the players who attended the PDGA Worlds events got in NOT from how many points they had, but because they got on the waiting list. So other than bragging rights, the points really don't matter. But, because there are so many PDGA players who are point-centric, to them the points they get for beating other players in their division at an event is more important to them than a spacesuit is to an astronaut.

So, I wonder, why is it that some tournament directors have such a difficult time in submitting completed tournament results to the PDGA in a timely fashion? I understand completely that life sometimes gets in the way of our desire to play our disc games. As a tournament director, however, you have accepted the responsibilities associated with running a tournament the moment you asked for your event to be included on the schedule. This acceptance should mean that you are taking on the tournament's tasks, from the beginning (getting the event on the schedule) to the end (getting the completed results in to the PDGA promptly). Although the major part of running a tournament is over after the last golfer leaves the course at the completion of the event, your role as TD is not over until the results have been sent to the PDGA. Again, your role as TD is not over until the results have been sent to the PDGA. To be fair, I have not run a PDGA event, so I don't have all of the inside scoop and details of how these results are to be submitted. But if the results haven't been submitted within two weeks after the event, I suspect you're not making an effort, and in the process, you're alienating a lot of golfers from your future events. And with the ability of golfers to constantly check the PDGA website for tournament updates, everyone knows when you're slacking off. If months go by and there's still no results on pdga.com….well….Yikes!

So, it seems best to submit these complete and correct results to the PDGA immediately. This saves you, the TD, a ton of grief from the points-watchers, and will keep your reputation solid as a tournament director who has their stuff together. Because, if you get the reputation as a TD who doesn't submit results to the PDGA in a timely manner, there may come a day when you have a tournament, and no one shows up for it. And those results will be easy to submit.

I hope you all have a safe and happy winter season and a great, productive New Year! Peace.….

Instead, I'd like to apply a little bit of science and a whole lot of astronomy to point out what I believe to be the reason that nothing ever gets started on time at Sedgley: a black hole. Yes that's right…a black hole. I believe that in addition to the supermassive black hole that makes its home in the very center of our Milky Way galaxy, I am quite confident that there is also a black hole (not supermassive) in the direct vicinity of Sedgley Woods, and it's greatly effecting the man-made concept of time at our course.

First, for the uninitiated, a black hole is (at least by most current theories) an object in space so massive that it's gravity is astronomically strong…so strong that once something is caught in its gravity, it will not escape. Not even light! I'll try to keep this simple because the whole idea of black holes is pretty overwhelming. In a nutshell, astronomers and the like believe that black holes are collapsed stars……….huge collapsed stars (think: a star so big 100,000 of our suns could fit into it) that have so much mass in so little space (using the above scenario, think of those same 100,000 stars'/suns' mass being squeezed down into a space the size of our moon) that its gravity is immense. The misconception is that the gravity just sucks in everything in its vicinity, but this false…only objects that cross too closely (the "event horizon") actually get pulled in. However, the strength of the gravity is enough to effect light (gravity bends light) and also time (time slows the closer one gets to a black hole). And using the "time slows" application, I believe that this so far undiscovered black hole is what screws up the time at Sedgley Woods.

There are definitely time issues at our course. Why is it that a tournament, with a listed start time, cannot get started on time? Black hole. It has to be. Tags? Regularly start at least 15 minutes late. Monthlies? Regularly start at least 15 minutes late. Even the recently held Big Lid tourney started…get this….over an hour later than the posted start time! It has to be the effects on time because of a black hole. There's no other explanation. I mean, with all the bitching that goes on about not being able to start stuff on time, one would think the lessons would have been learned by now, and scheduled events would be starting on time. Not so. And up until this theory of mine, it was unexplainable. After all, why are we waiting past a scheduled start time to actually start an event? Are we waiting for more people to arrive? That's just dumb. These late-comers know when tags/tournaments start, so why should the rest of the people (who were considerate enough to arrive early…as in "before the start time") have to suffer through waiting for late-comers? Too many questions here for you? Many are rhetorical, of course. But, ultimately, I think it's a black hole's gravity, slowing the speed of light, slowing time. It has to be.

And here's the real kicker: because of our (Sedgley golfers) constant exposure to this so-far-unfound black hole, we've obviously had our own internal clocks and wristwatches effected by this. Which means, of course, that we're altering everyone else's time too! Have you ever gone to another course for a tournament, only to find that it too is not starting on time?? Ha! The black hole of Sedgley Woods strikes again. We are enabling this black hole to thrive.

I do believe that the black hole must be somewhere near the benches/parking lot. Again, this theory has arisen from observation: notice how much trash there always is around this area? The black hole's gravity is pulling all of the trash from the trashcans, and the trash finds its way to the benches and parking lot area. After all, the golfers of Sedgley care enough about their course to always throw their trash into these conveniently placed trashcans, so how else would the garbage be getting to our most popular hang-out area? There's no way golfers are just leaving their trash there….so, it can only be the gravity-pull of this black hole.

Occasionally, I believe a golfer unknowingly gets too close to the black hole, and they get pulled into it, past the event horizon, and gone from our lives forever. After all, where did Johnny D. disappear to? How about Mike Klein the Imposter? Heck, even more recently I believe that Bob Walser may well have gotten too close to it, and is now just a name on some past tournament results. I suggest always playing with a partner, just so someone will be able to identify when a golfer gets lost into the hole, and maybe…just maybe…we'll finally be able to find it.

I do know with 100% certainty that the black hole is not hidden in a basket. I know this because if it were located there, any of my discs that hit chains would've gotten sucked into the basket. And since my putts normally hit chains and then fall out, I'm sure there is no additional gravity pulling the disc into the basket.

So, while I still have much work to do in explaining and proving this theory, I can say with great assurance that never…..yes, never is a strong word….will a tag match, doubles, or a tournament get started on time at Sedgley Woods. There's just too much working against us. And after all, who's gonna argue with a black hole? Certainly not me….I'm too used to "Sedgley Time".